Ask Draco Malfoy

rep-and-red: Yamada Ichiro | 22 | Accountant | Suggested...

Fri, 10 May 2013 17:05:03 -0400

Yamada Ichiro | 22 | Accountant | Suggested FC: Ryunosuke Kamiki | OPEN

Numbers. Numbers numbers numbers. Numbers are the only things that make sense. Mathematics is the only language that is universal. When humanity perishes and Earth is nothing but dust and even the sun has gone out, the language of mathematics will still be sung in every corner of existence. It doesn’t need words to talk about it or minds to think about it; it simply exists. Equations are not busy-work; they are the interpretation of that existence. Math is not just a class you have to take in high school. Math is the one worthwhile philosophy.

Yamada Ichiro would, of course, never actually say this. But he thinks it, and feels it. If he were a different kind of man he would probably get Pi tattooed around his arm and all over his body until he ran out of skin to hold all those numbers. But he’s not really a tattoo-getting kind of person.

Mr. Yamada does some actuary stuff on the side. He’s published a few articles under a penname. After graduating from some prestigious university, he joined the same organization his parents were part of, before him. They’re retired, now. He grew up the only child of an old, wealthy family, not that he ever spent their money on anything but computers. His parents are some of the upper-class that managed to entirely avoid the war, but they were also very moral about it. They tried to make sure others could avoid the violence, too. This kept them busy throughout most of his childhood, but he didn’t really care. Nope. Totally didn’t care. Except isolation really affected his world-view, and he’s beginning to notice he has a kind of sheltered knowledge of existence, and that he can’t really connect to other people like a normal human.

People make him impatient, sometimes. They have too many emotions, and they complicate things that should flow easily. The world would be shit without them, though. He has huge respect and admiration for the ones that can be emotional and cheery-bright, traits he’s never quite been able to find in himself, though his father is sort of like that.

He doesn’t really like animals, except for fish.

Full Name: Yamada Ichiro
Affiliation: NJSDF; recently transferred to the NASDF (otherwise known as Rep&Red)
Occupation: Accountant
Born: 4 September, 2057
Height: 5’5”
Traits: Logical, stoic, socially awkward, aloof, intelligent, mega-virgin extraordinaire

Connections:

Yasuhiro Nezumi (coworker/boss - respects him)

Torishima Reiji (coworker)

Fukushima Keitaro (coworker, mutual, mild dislike - thinks he’s noisy and unprofessional)

Parents (Family, you know. Whatever.)

Secret: When he was younger, he was convinced that he was a robot and no one was telling him for some reason. Now he wonders if he has high-functioning asperger’s syndrome. All he knows is that he does not function like everybody else.

Skills Mun Should Have: Actual mathematical skills and knowledge. I’m not talking mathematician here, but you should at least have enjoyed your math and physics classes. Japanese language skills would be desirable but are not required. If he ever really, desperately needs to say something in Japanese we have someone here who can translate for you.

- Audition Required; Please Inquire for further details if interested. -

OOC:

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 21:02:00 -0500

Hey guys so like

does anyone know any good books on social manipulation?

Also, I might start RPing again because instead of having three jobs and four classes

I now have one job and four classes

and I miss that shit

but YEAH anyone know some good books on social manipulation?

Love,

Draco’s Mun

What do you think of muggle actress Megan Fox?

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 02:55:01 -0400

… I don’t even understand how muggles aren’t all dead through sheer force of stupidity.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

What do you think of Niall Horan?

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 20:57:00 -0400

I don’t know, Slytherin? There’s green in the background, and everything. He has the same type of look as that Bieber fellow.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Listen to "baby" by Justin Bieber and tell us what you think of him and the song.

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 18:01:26 -0400

I’d have heard of him if he was even slightly well known. He must be an up-and-coming artist. It was alright.

Who was this witch or wizard he thought would always be his, though? I’m not entirely sure what he did to them. The song was very vague on that part. Hopefully they were punished a little bit, though. I’d hate if he just whined about it without taking some kind of surreptitious action.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Did you know that people ship Ron and Hagrid?

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 14:58:02 -0400

Well. The sheer stupidity of their children would certainly break world records, so I suppose it’s a goal to have.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Why are you so mean?

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 11:58:10 -0400

No matter what your parents may have told you, no one actually gets anywhere by being nice.

And I do plan on getting somewhere.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Mr. Malfoy, I am inquiring as to why you place such little value in Gryffindors. Hufflepuffs, I can understand and you obviously hold some respect for Ravenclaws but why not Gryffindors? I would like a real though out answer and not a load of Slytherin pride blubberings, thank you very much.

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 08:46:58 -0400

Because Gryffindors are big-ego’d, small-brained, conceited, numbskulled bullies who think they’re worth more than everybody around them!

And Slytherins don’t blubber.

They Slytherin.

Being, I suspect, a fiery light of stupidity for all mankind, you probably didn’t notice anything less than the flashiest of heroics going on in the noblest house. So I guess you really can’t help your truly astounding ignorance.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Of course, I just meant it as you being the victim in the situation of their "shipping" Also, Drapple is quite hilarious though mostly because it doesn't make much since. Apples can't talk. Harry and Hermione /can/, but they are horrid so there isn't much point in that either. I understand your point of view, and I find people that push you into the stuff that could NEVER happen irritating. And your very welcome. -Gabs

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 05:55:54 -0400

Yes. I’ve been thinking of continuing my Drapple fanfiction, but it seems to have completed itself. It was fun, though.

Yes. Exactly. Of course neither of those could ever happen. Obviously.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

What do you think of Florence Welch? And her music? (

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 02:56:37 -0400

She dresses like my Mother.

I listened to Hardest of Hearts. I guess it was a fine song. Had a good message, and all.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

You do know Tom and Emma are both muggle as well as Jade? Come on,Draco,I thought you were smart.

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 20:59:44 -0400

Tom Felton is a MUGGLE?!

I… I don’t believe you!

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

You are the most precious little baby. abubububububububu. I just want to hold you and ruffle your hair. You try to be a bully but when Hermione pointed that wand at your neck third year you looked like you were going to cry. I just adore you.

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 17:59:03 -0400

You adore me? Oh, well, I understand wh…

I wasn’t going to cry!

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Hello again, Draco. Do you ever plan on trying to win Apple back? Do you want her more than anything or do you believe that she is better off with Grape?

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 14:56:00 -0400

Apple and I always wanted different things. Ours was a love that was never meant to be more than a brief flash of strongest affections. Within me, the sweet, bright crunch of apple will always linger. Apple’s skin against my teeth, smooth and easily giving, is pressed into my memory like a thumbprint.

I’ll always love apple. But from afar. A bright future lies with grape. From what I understand, Apple has already found what it always wanted, and could never have with me.

A family.

~ And thus concludes the fanfiction by Draco Lucius Malfoy

~ Unless he writes a sequel, but really, this wraps it up rather nicely.

Hi, Draco. Finding a Wizard with youir caliber is as you is tougher than finding a unicorn.

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 11:57:33 -0400

Well, if you could find wizards of my caliber just anywhere, the world would clearly be a better place, and not quite the travesty-ified wasteland it currently is.

Though admittedly, I’d be more bored and feel less special.

Which would also be a travesty.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Today is a holiday, We call it Dracos Day and we celebrate it by reciting repeatedly everything good about you and mocking idiots who dis-agree.

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 08:52:27 -0400

Excellent start. Work on making that national.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

In a magical world where there were absolutely no astroids anywhere near the planet at all, there lived sparkling unicorns who pooped rainbow sherbet ice cream. Everyone else ate rainbows and pooped out butterflies. At lunch everyone ate unicorn sandwiches and pooped (not an astroid) Finish the Story.

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 05:55:00 -0400

Draco created a tesseract with the sheer awesome power of his own magic, flew through to the other side where this hideously obnoxious planet was, gifted it with all the asteroids it took to make it into a nice, charred, puffed-up snack, and stuffed it into a gram cracker sandwich with honeydukes chocolate to eat for dessert.

The end.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Lily Loveless is either Slytherin or Ravenclaw :(

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 02:54:43 -0400

Lily Loveless looks like she has had twelve Puffs condensed down and concentrated into every inch of her existence.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Google search Katniss Everdeen, what house do you think that she would be in?

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 20:54:01 -0400

You know, I’ve actually heard about her.

Is that what she looks like? Strange. I imagined her a bit darker. Anyway, I think she’d probably be with me in Slytherin. If she weren’t American or whatever it is she is.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Draco, I sort of have an idea on the Muggleborn issue. You know how the Ministry keeps track of Muggleborns being born? How about, er, obliviating their parents of ever having the child and raising them in the wizard world so they're not tainted by barbaric Muggle views? Muggles as a whole are freakish. It's not the child's fault they were raised in a horrible world when they were intended for another entirely. How do you think my idea would go over?

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 18:06:13 -0400

That would be a good idea if they were changelings, like the idiot muggles thought their thieving children were at first, but you have to understand - muggles and wizarding folks simply aren’t the same species. What you’re suggesting would be like obliviating a dog, and taking its mutt pups from it to be raised by humans simply because they somehow stole the ability to speak.

Or I suppose something more harmful than a dog, considering all the horrors muggles have committed.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy

Did Uncle Voldemort give you a birthday hug?

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 14:54:58 -0400

The dark lord is no more, so no.

I still wouldn’t speak his name, if I were you, though.

~ Draco Lucius Malfoy